tears...

i've been crying lately not hard but juz light tears.... at first i dunno y i was crying for no reason. but then eventually i realized that everytime i think of him theres always a smile on my face.. but the longer i think of him the easier my vision gets blurry and from there drops of tears rolling down my cheeks. I really hate myslef sometimes for being so weak and i tried to stop myself from crying but its hard.. its like i can feel it coming and its hard to hold it and then my tears bursts out. its like i think of him all of a sudden and think of how sweet or close we were and then thinking of him go away really hurts me. i realized that im afraid to loose him because i noe he will one day leave me to a far away place. all those sudden tear drops made me realized that im afraid to loose him
thats y im afraid to start anything with him im afraid that it will juz go all away.I may not show it but deep inside of me i really do care and i get really sad about this.... i really hate myself.... im so emotional i hate that! y cant i be more cheerful? n not think that far... but i can't . n like everytime i think of that my tears cuz come out n i always tell myself that stop being so weak and crap........*sigh* life suks....