I reopened my second chapter of my love life...

There it is...I decided to close that 2nd chapter once and for all, but then I became the author of that continuation. I decided to not read but to create this story of my own.... Once I saw him at school again I knew something was going to happen between us. I guess that old flame just decided to burst on its own and I couldn't help it. I tried to avoid his physical actions as much as possible but I guess he wouldn't back off. Of course, I could feel that he wants to be with me again but I just hate him hinting me without spitting his words straight out. I was in the cloud of confusion and I couldn't take it anymore. So when he got tired of hinting and texted me over the phone.. I got so pissed off and called him. I was surprised I actually cried.. so weak of me. I don't really like showing my weak side in front of others. I always try to stand as strong as possible, meaning that showing tears is a weakness. I called him and told him everything that I wanted to say to him for the longest time. I couldn't help but bitch him out.. I guess I kind of lose control of myself because I kept on bottling everything inside of me. After 3 hours of talking.. I guess my heart said it all. I gave him another chance and he gave me hope. So then on.. I reopened my love book, picked up that pen, and started adding my own words in that 2nd chapter of my love life.....
I finally realized that I really liked him and I could finally feel that he cared so much for me. We became so honest to each other it feels so secure, safe, and comfortable to communicate with him. The feelings I have for him is really different from before. It feels more lovely..more hot, and more sexy.. The kisses we had and the hugs I received made me so very happy. I noticed I cared for him a lot more too. I call him more, I hangout with him more. We finally get to spend more time with each other. But what makes me more happy is that he is more patient, and more mature, and most importantly, he is willing to make time for me. I would go to his class and he would go to mine. We went on our first date again to watch a movie. We watched Marley and Me, the Unborn, and Bride War. We kissed a lot in the dark...I always heard that a movie theater is where couples make out.. but I never knew that I would become one of them lolz. But I have to say.. it was exciting and the kisses felt so different. Especially when we kissed during the movie Marley and Me. I could really picture a family with him. Something like the characters in the movie. Get married, have children, and have our own puppy. That would make an awesome dream lolz.
But I have to say... Before we broke up for a reason and until this reason resolves... it will always remain as a problem that will haunt us in the future. He said I am a type of person that thinks too much of the past and present, and he was the type that thinks more of the present and the future. But what he doesn't see is that I only think about the past because I have to remmember not only the happy things but the sad things. One can only learn, improve, and evolve by falling and making mistakes from the past. I only cared about the past because I don't want to make the same mistake in the future. Lately.. I've been feeling that pressure again.... and I don't like it. I believe that he has patience for me and that he is not the type of person that will try to get what he wants and then leave..but the way he keeps on repeating that pressure really makes me insecure. His words are misleading me to the wrong assumptions. I want to trust him. I really do. But I don't look at love so lightly. The day when I say "I love you" is when I truely fall in love with him and that I would give me everything to satisfy his needs. I guess time is what I need. I don't know when I will feel that trust to give him my virginity but all I can say is I really want to love him. But I guess I just need him to show me and make me feel that I am his everything.. so I can let loose and make myself be his. I can never trust a guy. But the good thing is that I can feel that I trust him more and more everyday. I am sure one day he will show me that he truely loves me and that it will be safe to love him back the same way... patience is a virtue.