its summer.....

Well I have been so lazy lately. I haven't been doing much but bike to the tennis court and play, beach, hangout with some friends, and spending money. It is fun in some ways but it can get really boring once it repeats itself over for five thousand times. I want a job actually before i go to california but i can't get one until I return from California. It would be mean if I just had the job and take two weeks off. I can wait until I can go to California for ten days!! Can't wait, can't wait!!! It's going to be FUN AND PARTY!!! YES! ^-^

Love life.... well nothing to it. I am breaking free from my old one. I have to cut off that dumb nice image I have and just be myself. If I want to be mad, then I will be mad. If i want to be selfish, I will be selfish. It is okay to put myself before anything. That's what Charisse told me and she is so correct. She persuaded me to think that way and I am very proud of having her as my friend. I kind of admire her because she can stand strongly when there are hardships. I feel very stupid forcing myself trying to be nice to him. Well I am very tired now and i finally deleted all his pictures, aim screen name, and all of his text. I have been keeping all of those old pics on my cell phone and kept all of his text he has sent me, but its all over now. The past is the past and it is time to let go of it. I just have to be happy and go on in life. My eyes are always open now and I am very excited to go on to the next relationship. I am very anxious to know who it will be. Hmmm... I wonder. I really didn't experience anything with the first..only sadness, but I am looking forward for a great one next!! Can't wait, can't wait!!!

i dunno anymore......

For some reason I think I still like him. I want to ask him so badly man.... Alex the other day was talking about it with me and he kept on asking me "Do you still like him?" i answer "I don't want to tell you." Alex actually called him during class. At first I thought he was just playing around pretending he was calling him, but then he really did. He asked him and he said he doesn't know. It was so upsetting, even up to now he still doesn't know. I miss him very much and I tried so hard to let go of him in my mind.....but I still do like him. I really really want to ask him. I want to ask him if he still likes me. I want an answer and if its a "no" maybe I can really let go. It feels like it was something unfinished because it ended without a reason. He never told me a reason. I just dunno now. Now it's kinda bugging me a lot. I need to solve this problem.