I'm sorry he said...

Suddenly he IM me and called me saying "I'm sorry". Well it was a bit shocking to me so I didn't know what to say. Maybe a conversation with that only lasted about 30 seconds and two minutes of awkward silence. Although he said he is sorry, to be honest I'm sure he still hasn't learned his lesson. I know he said I don't remember anything, but that just tells me how much he liked me. It's way littler than the feelings I have for him. He is kool with everything because he can let go so easily, still trying so hard to protect himself. I guess I'm way too sensitive and stupid to let this bother me for like what? A WHOLE YEAR!!! That's it...I'm totally over with these feelings. I asked him so many questions so that I can solve those mysteries that was locked away for a year. I feel better in a way, and stupid on the other. He is still so proctective on what he says...still cannot open up. I really don't know why I thought he can try to understand a girl's feelings. The more I push and try the more he restrains and pulls back from me. Its really the time to forget these unwanted memories and move on. Stop thinking of those days where I thought it was so IMPORTANT to me. When he called me and said sorry, I cried...not because I am so happy to shed tears but that those feelings are haunting me again. It doesn't bother him, and it shouldn't bother me. For some reason I feel angry, but also my mind went blank. Snow is colored white because it doesn't remember its own color. The snowflake was me for a whole year. I lost my personality in a sense because those sad memories comes and take my color away..leaving me to suffer not knowing what has gone wrong. But now I know what went wrong. He just wasn't the guy for me. Like words that are passed down from ancestor to their children "if something belongs to you, no matter how long it is apart from you, it will one day come back to you."This is only true if its only made for you. From the start he didn't fit me. Ones who can't openly say and express their feelings are not my type... one who can't spend time or consider my feelings in a sense... its not what I ever want.

He died.....i can never see him again...

I just got the news today. He died last friday due to heart problems. He couldn't breathe because his heart was clotted. I feel sad and I want to cry, but I'm trying hard to stop my tears. I don't want to cry. After I heard the news, I just wanted to so something to clam myself down. Watching chinese drama and reading mangas. This just gave me another outlook of how life can be so fragile and helpless. He was getting better after the surgery. Everything was going well, but suddenly, Satin come down and beheaded his life. Why does such a good person have to die so early? He has no family, no wife, and no children. I feel sorry for him that he has to die so lonely.

My health is gradually getting worse. Right when I thought I didn't need to take those pills again I was really happy, but there it is comming to haunt me again. I guess this sickness will never go away and I can never get rid of it. I sleep late and don't want to go to school. What's wrong with me? I feel fragile, and weak. Helpless and lost in life. I don't know what I want to do and I don't really care what I do. Wake up DUYEN!!!!!