My first dance...

Today i had a cotillion i went to for a friend's birthday. It was very fun to be a photographer for 4 hours. I guess im getting more and more interested in photography. Them there came the dance. a slow one.. it was very sweet.. and before i forget i want to state this in my special memory box where it is written in stone stored some where in my heart. He asked me to dance.. well not really ask but he kinda grabbed into it.... as we dance we kept on getting closer ans closer until he said it would be more comfortable if u lay ur head on my shoulder and so i made my move all relaxed and comforted laying on his shoulders and wrapped my arms around him.. it felt so warm and sweet. I was happy we could dance like this so closely..n slowly. i wish we can stay like this forever until my other friend ...who is so eagered to dance with me.. interupted us and so he split us apart and i had to dance with him.But the dancing was nice i can stay that was my whole purpose to come to the party is to dance with him.. he commemnted me on that i was so small and skinny.. n he said i looked nice today hehhe .. happy me. when it came to the fast dances i was too shy to "move" when he is beside me. butthen after a while i let loose and did what ever..... hehe... i dun want him to see my juky side =/.......n tonight all im gonna do is day dream about him and the dance we had all day until i can fall asleep... i feel that im liking him more and more ^-^

How do i feel when im close to him.....

i guess i can say this was the first time i went alone with him to watch something together. I think it was very sweet and fun. Just laying under the hot sun with him under an umbrella....laying close to him makes me feel relaxed. i always thought this would be unrequited love.. but i was wrong. Now i know he likes me but im not sure what he wants... I wish i can just ask him but i just dunno how to open my mouth. I find it hard to speak out cuz im timid but inside of me im feel confused. I really want to ask him but i dunno how. Maybe i will clearify this when christmas comes. Im working hard for this christmas present im making him and i hope he likes it.

My friend told me to just forget about him because he's not making his move and that he always flirts with other gurlz.. n that pisses me off.... She said that i shouldn't take this seriously becuz im still in high school n its not like we are gonna be together for the rest of my life.. so why bother myself about this problem..but i CAN'T. I take relationships seriuosly. I just can't play around like that. Liking a person means to put them deep in your heart.. the only person u can huge..kiss...be close to..that i will always care for him and make him special..but its hard. She told me her friends sees him like playing around with trinh in drama class... like touching each other and stuff..Jealousy is a gurl's best friend.. Every time he goes off talking to another makes me feel lonely...I want to know if he is serious about me. But sometimes he's really sweet. What should i do? wait? let it go? I feel that he is leaving me in the darkness where i can not reach the light. He held my hand once and i was very surprised and happy. It happened so fast that i never thought he would do that. It happened when i was watching this tap dance movie with me in dance class. we sat next to each other very closely that i can feel his warmth.. and all of a sudden he juz caught my hand and there he played with my fingers. I was very shy and i didn't have the courage to look at him in the eye. But yes i was smiling and feeling cheerful inside. I really like that feeling. BUT i guess after that one time he never held my hands again... but why? i really want to know. I hate it when he guess leaves me hanging and not telling me anything. I mean like what does he want? does he still like me? But i do ask myself many times if i still like him.. and i do. If he just tells me what he wants i guess i would stop doubting him. I just hate it! If he wants me to wait for him i would. JUst TELL ME. thats all i want. If he is scared to start a relationship with me just TELL ME.. Im ok with it i can understand becuz im scared too.... Im scared if he does get that scholarship he will go away and i will miss him very much.. just seeing him once a month is too little... n i noe it would be painful. but if i do truely like him i can wait... but can I? I dunno ... this bothered me for a month.. and im stressed about it.. im too tired to think about it anymore...i dun wanna bother my friends and telling them the same thing over and over again.. I think im getting pretty annoying and that not good. But now im just trying to focus on my college applications. I want to go to the same college he is going to .. but is that concidered a sacrifice? hmmm.. i dunno....typing all my inner feelings makes me relaxed like i just released and losened my mind.. I guess having a blog is better then i think it would be. ^-^

My first confession...

i always wanted to be a character in those romantic mangas.... like a cute guys in love with me and i like him n we live happily ever after..... etc... well something like that. But of course reality doesn't allow me to think that way anymore.. those are kiddish things like stuff pplz would think of "happiness" when they are young teenagers... BUT that actually happened to me... wow i think it was a dream come true... i was really happy that day.... it happened on October 5. I had a fieldtrip for dance class and he sat next to me. we were really close and warm and we started chatting about random stuff. While i was napping... he kinda woke me up and told me " This might be awkward but i LIKE U" it was so sudden i didn't noe how to respond to that. I actually thought it was a dream becuz i was half asleep when he told me this... and so i took the courage and told him i liked him too. wow how wonderful.. hehe...

That was also the day of my city champs for tennis. he wrote on my palms " HI and drew his favorite smile. " every time i was losing in my match i would look at my palm and that would make me happy. Although i lost i felt so happy still. it wasn't a really close game but at least it took 2 hours and my opponent was really good. I was glad i could go against her for 2 straight hours. I felt proud and joyful. so great.. yup yup

what's this?

i use this blog as a diary...... I guess i will mention things i have been through from the past.. of course special memories that has happened to me. Friends, family, what ever bothers me or what stresses me.... Relationships, friends, lets keep this a secret. The only reason y i didn't make a myspace is cuz i dun like pplz reading my personal stuff. I wanna be different from those around me. well some things from the past are happy, sad, funny, lovely, lonely, pissed off, and special.