i guess i can say this was the first time i went alone with him to watch something together. I think it was very sweet and fun. Just laying under the hot sun with him under an umbrella....laying close to him makes me feel relaxed. i always thought this would be unrequited love.. but i was wrong. Now i know he likes me but im not sure what he wants... I wish i can just ask him but i just dunno how to open my mouth. I find it hard to speak out cuz im timid but inside of me im feel confused. I really want to ask him but i dunno how. Maybe i will clearify this when christmas comes. Im working hard for this christmas present im making him and i hope he likes it.
My friend told me to just forget about him because he's not making his move and that he always flirts with other gurlz.. n that pisses me off.... She said that i shouldn't take this seriously becuz im still in high school n its not like we are gonna be together for the rest of my life.. so why bother myself about this problem..but i CAN'T. I take relationships seriuosly. I just can't play around like that. Liking a person means to put them deep in your heart.. the only person u can huge..kiss...be close to..that i will always care for him and make him special..but its hard. She told me her friends sees him like playing around with trinh in drama class... like touching each other and stuff..Jealousy is a gurl's best friend.. Every time he goes off talking to another makes me feel lonely...I want to know if he is serious about me. But sometimes he's really sweet. What should i do? wait? let it go? I feel that he is leaving me in the darkness where i can not reach the light. He held my hand once and i was very surprised and happy. It happened so fast that i never thought he would do that. It happened when i was watching this tap dance movie with me in dance class. we sat next to each other very closely that i can feel his warmth.. and all of a sudden he juz caught my hand and there he played with my fingers. I was very shy and i didn't have the courage to look at him in the eye. But yes i was smiling and feeling cheerful inside. I really like that feeling. BUT i guess after that one time he never held my hands again... but why? i really want to know. I hate it when he guess leaves me hanging and not telling me anything. I mean like what does he want? does he still like me? But i do ask myself many times if i still like him.. and i do. If he just tells me what he wants i guess i would stop doubting him. I just hate it! If he wants me to wait for him i would. JUst TELL ME. thats all i want. If he is scared to start a relationship with me just TELL ME.. Im ok with it i can understand becuz im scared too.... Im scared if he does get that scholarship he will go away and i will miss him very much.. just seeing him once a month is too little... n i noe it would be painful. but if i do truely like him i can wait... but can I? I dunno ... this bothered me for a month.. and im stressed about it.. im too tired to think about it anymore...i dun wanna bother my friends and telling them the same thing over and over again.. I think im getting pretty annoying and that not good. But now im just trying to focus on my college applications. I want to go to the same college he is going to .. but is that concidered a sacrifice? hmmm.. i dunno....typing all my inner feelings makes me relaxed like i just released and losened my mind.. I guess having a blog is better then i think it would be. ^-^
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