I never knew....

I have a best female friend... I known her for about 2 years now. We hangout with each other, we eat out all the time, we understand each other. I joke with her, hit her, and care for her. When we go shopping, my foot steps would naturally follow her. When we eat I would naturally sit right next to her. We walk in a room I would follow her. She asks me to do things for her and I always end up doing it for her. Unknowingly, when I play with my phone, I would take pics of her or video record her....unknowingly, I would care for her and give her a lot of attention...unknowingly when I eat out, I would call her up to eat because I know she was hungry. As time passes by, she doesn't even need to ask anymore. When she hands me her stuff I would naturally hold it, remind her to do things, and walking next to her, walking her home night, and caring for her. Unknowingly, when I walk out her door, I would ask her if she needs me to throw away her garbage or washing her dishes or fixing her machinery. Its because I care. When I have some problems I would call her and talk about it. She makes me laugh and knows how to cheer me up. She understands me a lot because we are so alike. It's not my fault, I can't help it because I'm so used to it by now. She knows a lot about me..my family, my friends, and most of my past. I hangout with her so much most of my friends would think we are going out. What can I say... things I do..things I care about for this friend became so NATURAL.... Then I got myself a girlfriend... I never knew how she felt when all the pics and video records i took had my friend in there. I never knew how she felt when I choose to follow my friend's footsteps when we are walking around the store and left her alone. When we walk in a room, I never knew how she felt when I chose to sit next to my friend and left her in the corner. Or walk next to my friend and leave her behind..How did she feel when we talked about my other friends in front of her? my past? things that my friend knows but my gf doesn't? Does she feel left out? How does she feel when we always talk about how others thought me and my friend were going out? How did she feel when I call up my friend to eat with when i was alone with her? How does she feel when I hold my friends stuff and not hers? How does she feel when I always remind my friend to do things? How does she feel when I give so much attention to my friend in front of her? How does she feel when I choose to walk my friend home and leave her alone? How does she feel when her friends constantly come up to her and ask " wheres your best friend and "her" bf"? How does she feel when I care so much about my friend? Honestly if someone saw me and my gf together alone vs. me and my friend alone....which one looks more like my gf?? Do I provide the same care to both? Does it look like I care more about my friend than my gf? Like I said its not my fault... these things come so Naturally I can't help it because I'm so used to it by now... but .....I never knew these little things would hurt her so much..and I never knew she liked me so much that she would think about these little actions and cry herself to sleep at night......Then I ask myself... do I naturally do those things for my gf without her complaining or asking?

Wait a second... relax and think it over. Instead of caring how she feels.... how would I feel? If she had a best guy friend doing the same things as I did in front of me... how would I feel?

If one day when I'm playing basketball and my friends constantly come up to me and ask me "where's your best friend and his gf? O the little Asian one that always hangs around him. I would say: What gf? Embarrassingly I would say... that's my gf... How would I feel? ......

Crying feels so good.... I haven't cried for a while.....

He wanted to give me "the most special valentine ever"

In a normal girl's eyes... she would think that a special valentine day with her bf would be to go spend time with each and go to a great and romantic dinner... then surprise her with something special like a necklace or a ring... telling her to wear it all the time to remind her of her bf...

He said he was thinking of bringing me to sear's tower and eat chocolates there. Or buy a small cupcake and blow out a candle to celebrate our beautiful valentines day with each other. He said this he said that... Showing me some care that he actually planned something to do with me because he wants to make me feel like I am worth his time to plan something special to make me happy. Honestly... I am very happy with just spending time with him alone. But I'm sad because he didn't plan anything to do with me. I would of been so happy if he just brought me to the movies and eat something with him..Because I know he made the effort to plan and follow through to show me that he cares. I don't look for anything big or expensive.. I just look at the care and effort.

On Valentines day we met up at downtown and walk around the stores to shop. It was cold and we spent like 2 hours doing that .... it was boring. He kept on telling me that hes not a romantic guy and told me not to expect anything special from him. He constantly repeated that and that got me so aggravated... When we met up... he unzipped his jacket and pulled out a big heart lolz... it was cute and big and although they weren't my favorite chocolates... they all tasted so sweet and delicious to me...Then after we walked and walked... we went to millennium park and ate our chocolates in the cold. I felt really warm at that moment. It was very cute.. and I was very happy... then afterwards... we finally decided to go somewhere warm. We went to the movies and watched "Pink Panthers". It was just a horrible movie.. but at least we did something together. We were also gabbing on the chocolates in the movie theater. Then afterwards we went to Chipotle and ate mexican food... Wow it sounds like a long boring day in many people's eyes... Of course it's not the best or most special Valentines day either. But when I looked through my recordings, I found a video he took during Valentine's day. Looking at that video just told me one thing..... I smiled, I was playful, and I was very happy. In the end... it was my most unforgettable Valentine's day ever. ^-^

My first..my everything...

It was a cold Feb 8th... Right before I was 20 years old.. I called 911. The police came and asked me. What's wrong? What happened? I responded.... Officer... there was a thief in here. This is what happened...It was pasted midnight and there was this dark tall man who sneaked in my room. He was extremely touchy and striped my clothes slowly...he kissed me everywhere and explored my body. He kept on harassing my butt! Then slowly no clothes were to be found. He kissed me passionately and said "baby I love you". His kisses felt so nice and I missed him so much. For the past month he cared so much about me. he told me where he would go and told me what he was doing. He texts me I miss you baby everyday. He calls me to say good morning. He planned things to do with me, and he would care so much about my feelings. When he waved to ex gf he would ask do you mind me doing that? He cared a lot about my feelings. Once when I felt sad he was very sweet.. he kept on cheering me up and said it was his job to make me happy again. So he took me to the movies to make me happy. One touching moment was when he looked me in the eye and said I found a goal... I'll study hard and do good in school just for you. He said. At that moment I felt so touched.. he said it like he meant it and that was what was manly about him. Officer said.. get back to the main subject already... Fine... We were going at it for a while and slowly... I gave him my first. I felt guilty but he said awwww Duyen don't worry because its with me and not some other guy. trust me he said. and I did. I don't know how long we were doing it....but I can remember that I could slowly see the sky lighting up. He was aggressive!!!!! Doggy style was there on prohibitated ... dam it hurts!! We tried many positions and from there on we took a step further. A bond that I have never had with any other guy. Feelings that I have never had before. He gave it to me.....and I gave him his first too... and it was disgusting ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! it tasted so weird and it felt so wrong. But he really wanted me to give him his first and so I did. It was pleasurable and painful at the same time. But I found myself happy in the end. I wore his clothes that smelled like him and it felt so comfortable. When I woke up sleeping next to him hugging me I felt so warm. I kept on waking up during the night to see his sleeping face. awww he looked so adorable. so cute ^^... I wish time would stop right there...when we woke up in the morning he goes at it again. Dam he came 3 times! goshhh what a perv. I moaned so many times to make him come.... I'm getting so pro at this LMAO... When I got off the bed... I could barely walk.... so weak and tired.. its all his fault!!!! Thats my story.... Officer then asked...What did the thief steal? Your money? Your jewelry? No, I said. Officer was confused..I don't see anything missing ...what did he steal? I said... Officer..... he stole my first, my everything!!! Officer was still confused... He asked me what do you mean? I opened my shirt and there was a hole...I said: dam you are slow officer.... don't you see it now.. this bum stole my heart!! It's missing now...lolz