I never knew....

I have a best female friend... I known her for about 2 years now. We hangout with each other, we eat out all the time, we understand each other. I joke with her, hit her, and care for her. When we go shopping, my foot steps would naturally follow her. When we eat I would naturally sit right next to her. We walk in a room I would follow her. She asks me to do things for her and I always end up doing it for her. Unknowingly, when I play with my phone, I would take pics of her or video record her....unknowingly, I would care for her and give her a lot of attention...unknowingly when I eat out, I would call her up to eat because I know she was hungry. As time passes by, she doesn't even need to ask anymore. When she hands me her stuff I would naturally hold it, remind her to do things, and walking next to her, walking her home night, and caring for her. Unknowingly, when I walk out her door, I would ask her if she needs me to throw away her garbage or washing her dishes or fixing her machinery. Its because I care. When I have some problems I would call her and talk about it. She makes me laugh and knows how to cheer me up. She understands me a lot because we are so alike. It's not my fault, I can't help it because I'm so used to it by now. She knows a lot about me..my family, my friends, and most of my past. I hangout with her so much most of my friends would think we are going out. What can I say... things I do..things I care about for this friend became so NATURAL.... Then I got myself a girlfriend... I never knew how she felt when all the pics and video records i took had my friend in there. I never knew how she felt when I choose to follow my friend's footsteps when we are walking around the store and left her alone. When we walk in a room, I never knew how she felt when I chose to sit next to my friend and left her in the corner. Or walk next to my friend and leave her behind..How did she feel when we talked about my other friends in front of her? my past? things that my friend knows but my gf doesn't? Does she feel left out? How does she feel when we always talk about how others thought me and my friend were going out? How did she feel when I call up my friend to eat with when i was alone with her? How does she feel when I hold my friends stuff and not hers? How does she feel when I always remind my friend to do things? How does she feel when I give so much attention to my friend in front of her? How does she feel when I choose to walk my friend home and leave her alone? How does she feel when her friends constantly come up to her and ask " wheres your best friend and "her" bf"? How does she feel when I care so much about my friend? Honestly if someone saw me and my gf together alone vs. me and my friend alone....which one looks more like my gf?? Do I provide the same care to both? Does it look like I care more about my friend than my gf? Like I said its not my fault... these things come so Naturally I can't help it because I'm so used to it by now... but .....I never knew these little things would hurt her so much..and I never knew she liked me so much that she would think about these little actions and cry herself to sleep at night......Then I ask myself... do I naturally do those things for my gf without her complaining or asking?

Wait a second... relax and think it over. Instead of caring how she feels.... how would I feel? If she had a best guy friend doing the same things as I did in front of me... how would I feel?

If one day when I'm playing basketball and my friends constantly come up to me and ask me "where's your best friend and his gf? O the little Asian one that always hangs around him. I would say: What gf? Embarrassingly I would say... that's my gf... How would I feel? ......

Crying feels so good.... I haven't cried for a while.....