What I want...... Ü

Hmmmm... what is there to talk about today? I really didn't have much time to publish the current events happening to me these days. I was too busy.. -.- But today I'm pretty happy. I got accepted to UIC, DePaul, and North Park. I accomplished something at least. I'm thinking of UIC but I'm also waiting for other colleges to reply to me.

Now guy stuff... I really didn't hear from him telling pplz I'm his gf. Like the other day Kristian asked us if we were, but he juz played around with the question instead of answering it. I mean am I not good enough to be his gf? Is it shameful to him??? Gosh... i'm tired of it and I dunno y I'm always so quiet around him too. We walked the other day and all we did was walk and talk. I didn't say much so quiet and stuff. I hate when I do that. Also, he is beginning to kiss me on the cheek. ^-^ I was shocked the first time he did that and it was weird. I was like did he juz kiss me? I noe I felt something.. hahahz. I was confused whether or not if he did do that. The second time he kissed me on the cheek was yesterday when we walked together for like an hour and a half. This time I was sure he did it. He has to show me that I'm different than the other friends he hangs out with. I mean we hold hands and stuff but is there anything else he did to me to make me feel special?? I dun really ask for him to be with me 24/7 but to spend time with each other once in a while, to receive sudden phone calls form him , or for him to surprise me sometimes. I really want to understand him better. Like what kind of person he is and what he likes to do. But hes not really expressing himself to me. Hes not opening up to me yet and if he doesn't then I can't do the same because I dun wanna scare him away or something. I want him to care for me and to cherish me not like Oh I c her today so whatzup? He doesn't plan to do anything or go anywhere. He needs to show me some effort. I guess I'm not as important to him. I joined choir to c him a little bit more everyday. But my throat hurts if the notes are too low and deep. It kind of pushes the core down and it stresses the muscles in there. I can sing high notes which is good, hehe. I find it boring... I dun really feel a difference when we were friends and now as gf and bf. I got the name but I dun really c him admit that to anyone or maybe he did once but speaking it in his language. I hate when he does that! Its like hes abandoning me from the subject not letting me noe what the hell he is saying and he does that a lot too. You noe what, when ever pplz come ask me if we are together then I'm juz going to say "go ask him, he can answer that". Its like he doesn't want pplz to noe. Well then fine. Every time when he talks to me about the things between us... its always on aim. Its not really realistic enough though. I mean there is a gap there. Speaking to a person on aim and speaking to them in person is a HUGE difference. I can't c how he reacts to me or hear his voice or the expression he makes. Theres no connection seriously. N now we really dun have much to talk about. I'm tired of coming up with subjects all the time on the phone. It's like hes bored and I am too. I kept on switching from topic to topic but he doesn't really respond to them. I'm tired... Then when we walked I'm so quiet. I exspect a lot, which is bad. I really have to stop that cuz i noe hes not going to do those things. >.< !!! I feel crappy.