what's going on?

I'm confused.... What does he want? He ignores me now and so I did the same. I don't understand why he is mad at me for. I don't feel that I did anything wrong. Instead he is getting me sad again. Its been like this for about one week and a half and I'm tired of it. Were always so queit, not a word we would speak to each other about. I think the only time we talked was like on thursday when we were playing tennis. I know he is ignoring me but for some reason I still think he cares. I can feel that he was peeking on me while I was playing tennis. He stayed at the tennis court for a long time. It almost felt like he wanted to stay with me until I had to leave. He was sitting on the bench while I was rallying around with alfredo and alex. I can see his eyes peeking at me glancing very quickly. I think he is just avoiding it. -.- We did talk about it, but I was so pissed at him. All he responded me was "I dunno" and "yes". I asked him do u still like me? do u still want to be with me? he replied "yes" but his actions are really not proving what he was saying. He didn't seem like he cared at all. His reaction when he said it was so stupid. It was almost like he was playing around with me all along. Toying with my feelings like nothign really mattered to him. At that moment I felt stupid for e-mailing him, trying to talk to him in order to fix the problem. I felt dumb because I tried so hard and he still didn't show me effort. I really wanted to fix the preoblem and stay with him but it seems like he has no intentions in doing that. The look on his face made me so mad. He didn't show any emotions like he didn't even listen to what I was saying. The whole "talk" was meaningless. Seriously, we still couldn't corroporate and give an exact answer because he doesn't want to fix it or have the motivation to continue this relationship. He was like "I dunno, I dunno". I was so angry and I was depressed for a week. Even on the fieldtrip he was avoiding me and sitting far away from me as if I was invisible. That fieldtrip day was horrible. I had a very bad stomache and it hurt so badly I could no longer walk. But of course he didn't care at all, while all my other friends were asking me if I was okay. He totally isolated me from the whole asian group, keeping them away from me. He didn't even treat me as a friend. I didn't really realize his terrible manners until ms. Maclean told me about it. Even she said it was disrespectful. Ms. Maclean talked with me to discussesd the problem between us. We talked about how to fix it or forget about it. She was trying to help me get back my self-esteem he totally shattered. She told me if I am always depressed about it, nothing will change, instead I will be hurting my self more and more deeply. Because of Philosophy club, I finally realized that nothing can get me sad or depressed if I allow it to get to me. I can control my feelings even though sometimes it is uncontrollable. I won't get sad about it anymore and from that day on, my mind opened up and my thoughts were clear. I am a HAPPY and JOYFUL person again. ^-^ I will not allow it to bother me. I would always say "I am a fantastic person" and I will keep the beautiful mood in me. So then on I tried to always keep a pretty smile on face and not let anything bring me down. It did work and maryam even said I look much happier. A good sign and a new start. I mean I do still like him very much but I will not let him make me sad again. If he doesn't care why should I? Thinking in the bright side, I can feel that he is doing this for a reason like there is something conflicting him. Maybe he has to get through with something in order to be free or be with me. Maybe thats why he doesn't have time. When I started thinking at that point of view, I realized something. He told me before that he need to fix a problem and he was confilicting his time with CSC so thats why he needed to quit. Well I'm not sure about this but I can feel it. Or maybe he feels that he doesn't want to start anything with me because he knows he is leaving for college. But the thing is, I can't solve why did he start with me in the first place if he is not willing to be committed. Maybe one day he will tell me why but for now I'm still going to ignore him. He doesn't seem like he wants to talk to me. O yea... Lexi made me tell her about the thing going on between me and him and so she bugged me to death and I finally told her the whole story. I'm telling some of my friends this because I need to check with ppplz if I was thinking at the wrong point of view or to check if I was going crazy or something. This is too new to me and I've never been through this before, so I don't know how to react to this situation. She told me that she asked him about and he told her that he thinks I'm too good for him. I was like wth???? How can he think that way and beside he never tells me anything. He's making it seem like he needs to hide everything from me and have a mysterious background. Well for now I'll just be patient until he is READY for a realtionship and has the courage to tell me things. If the feeling withers away that means he's not the right one for me. So when time comes I will eventually know. But in my mind it only flows the flashbacks of those special memories we had together. It is very hard to let go and to erase those thoughts of him. I'm always waiting for my phone to ring or for him to sign on aim or even see him at the tennis court or club meetings. Hmmm when will the sky shine with the bright sun again? Will I ever see that day come? or will I continue seeing the rain drops falling through my cheeks? O yea today is my chinese birthday!!! I'm officially 18 on the chinese calendar!! ^-^